so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
