I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
