I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I faked an abortion last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
