I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
