so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
