this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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