Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
