Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
