I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
