i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
