Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
