watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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