I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
