if you like me you must not know who I am
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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