halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
