i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
