I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
worst night to have a conscience
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
