I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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