I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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