I'm going to jail i love you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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