a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
