so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
