The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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