i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
