This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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