so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
