I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm passing your future prison.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
