Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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