I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
