I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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