shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
