So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
