Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
