Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
