I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
