3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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