Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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