Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just tell him i said nine months
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
