the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
