tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
