I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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