i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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