It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize