I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
