I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
