you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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