Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
