I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
