Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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