booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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