it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
