I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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