...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
