i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
