She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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