Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
