I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
