How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think my fart just growled at me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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