I can't watch pbs sober anymore
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
