I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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