It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
