I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
