i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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