you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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