Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
