CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
