Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
