do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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