she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
